Letter to parents (1)

Dear Dad and Mom,

I have something very personal to tell you. I am somewhat like you in that I am not good at expressing myself to others, at least in the emotional aspect. Please read this whole letter and think about what I write to you.

I know you prefer to avoid any confrontations or emotional scenes and given a choice, you’d probably choose not to hear about it but I don’t want to hide anything from you. I want to be able to communicate with you openly and truthfully.

In the recent years, I’ve become increasingly unhappy with myself. Why? Because I think/feel/behave like a boy but people see me as a girl. I have tried to accept things as they are but it’s not working out. I have to deal with the internal conflict within me all the time and it’s wearing me down trying to live my life according to other people’s expectations. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not., of trying to behave ‘appropriately’. I just want the real me inside to be reflected on the outside too. I want to be true to myself as well as to others. Most of my teenage years, I have been suppressing all these feelings and it is very unhealthy for me to do that. I also felt very lonely with no one to turn to.

This is not a recent development. I have never felt right with my body. As a kid, I always thought I was going to grow up to be a man. I cannot accept the notion of being a female. I have thought this over very thoroughly and have come to the conclusion that my brain is inherently male.

The last thing I want to do is to hurt you or cause you any unhappiness. If there is anything that I want, it is for you and mum to be happy. However, I also know that I have come to a point where I need to do something about this. I can’t keep living my life like this.

Please don’t blame yourself, it’s nobody’s fault. I have never thought of it that way. I see it as a problem that can be solved – a medical condition that can be treated. With this treatment I can live a normal happy life. I have read about the experiences of many people who have lived happy and successful lives after treatment.

I understand this may come as a shock to you. I also understand you will have a lot of thoughts going through your mind as you read this. If you have any questions at all, please ask me. I know you will need time to process this information. Take all the time you need. I have, after all, spent a lifetime trying to understand and come to terms with myself. I only wish that, in time, you’d be able to accept me for who I am.

When you’re ready, please let me know your thoughts or feelings about this.

[birth name] / Martin