California, USA
— When a transsexual finally decides to become
the person locked deep inside, they are like a stranger
in a hostile environment. Unfortunately, the environment
becomes unlivable and changes are forced upon the people
that make up their world.
Gender transition affects
one's family, their friends and their workplace. When the
decision to change is finally made, it has a profound
affect on the transsexual. A deeply borne secret is
revealed to the world, and because a weight has been
lifted from the shoulders of the transsexual, a
long-awaited sense of release is realized. Comments such
as "Gee, I don't care what happens from this point on,"
or "This is the way it is, so accept it or go away" are
not uncommon.
Sometimes this decision
is planned long in advance of the actual coming out.
Transitioning begins with a basic plan set in motion, and
many transsexuals take the time to establish simple
things like finding a place to live, getting a new bank
account and a new legal name.
For other transsexuals,
unfortunately, there is no plan. They venture into their
new life with little forethought and end up surrounded by
a multitude of insurmountable circumstances. The family
is usually the first to weather the storm.
Take a minute and think
about how it would feel if one of your male family
members pulled you aside and said, "Please listen for a
minute, because I have something to tell you." They pause
for a minute. "I want to live my life as woman." If this
was your dad or your son, how would this statement make
you feel? If it was your sister or mother revealing her
plans to live as a man, would you feel hurt?
Now comes the big day at
the office. A worker approaches you. "Stan, I have
something to tell you." Imagine what you might be
thinking. "I need to live my life as a woman." Suddenly
you are being asked to accept something that doesn't make
any sense to you. This person has been a faithful
employee for a number of years.
Both scenarios can create
explosive reactions.
Before we discuss the
workplace, let's talk about another segment of the
family. Imagine a son or a daughter sitting on the couch
listening to their father or mother trying to explain
their need to live as the other gender.
One of the children's
first reactions might be, "What did I do wrong? Why is my
parent saying this to me?" The spouse's reaction might be
a little different. "What? Are you telling me that you're
gay?" Suddenly, the transsexual's choice forces their
family member to accept them in a newly-revealed gender
identity.
Then, take it from the
sibling's point of view. Imagine your brother or sister
coming to you with information about their gender change.
How would you react? Some of you who are gay might relate
it to the day you came out to a loved one.
In the workplace,
transition is magnified by rules and regulations about
bathroom use and similar stereotypes. Suddenly, as the
owner of a business or as a manager, your bottom line
becomes threatened. "How am I supposed to tell my
customers about this?"
The employee is
presenting a new concept about something that is so
foreign that you say, literally, "What the hell is going
on here?"
The transsexual can
expect two reactions: "Hell no, you're out of here" or
"Let's see what HR has to say about this." Either way,
the transsexual's future is in jeopardy.
What about the younger
transsexual who is already living and working in their
gender of choice? They've filled out an application, been
hired and have worked for a while in their new name and
gender. They come up for a promotion. HR does a Social
Security number check and a marker reveals that the
employee has lived in the opposite gender. Their job, no
matter how well the job was performed, becomes suspect,
and then the employee is called in for an explanation.
What is the employee to say? More times than not, the
employer sees it as lying and terminates the worker for
fraud.
Thanks to the Internet
and support groups such as Transfamily
<http://www.transfamily.org/>,
Neutral Corner <http://www.geocities.com/neutral-corner/>
and TCC San Diego <http://www.sandiegotcc.org/>,
there is an established base for people to seek help and
support. North Park Family Health Center pioneered a
program to get a transgender needs assessment. This
report revealed, sadly, the demographics about the living
conditions of transsexuals in San Diego. It was not good.
Recently, Project STAR <http://www.thecentersd.org/trans.asp>
was created under the watchful eyes of Traci
O'Brien.
The organization will
help fund the Transgender Community Coalition to provide
a myriad of services for San Diego's transgender folks.
One of TCC's major goals is to offer better tools to help
closeted transsexuals cope with the rigors of telling
their families and their workplace "I am a woman" or "I
am a man."
----
Jennifer B. Miller is a
member of the Transgender Community Coalition.
