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Jacob Rogers

JACOB Rogers greets you with a handshake – rough hands, square fingers, strong grip and L-O-V-E tattooed on his knuckles. Earrings glint in one ear, beefy biceps bulge under his shirtsleeves.

But this macho-looking Sydney man gave birth 18 years ago, to a daughter who now calls him Dad.

Jacob is a female-to-male transsexual, or trans-genderist, as he prefers to be called – one of less than 30 in Australia. Aged 37, he lived as a woman until two years ago, when he began hormone therapy to start his change to manhood.

The physical alterations were dramatic – within months, Jacob lost hair on his head and grew it on his face. His voice deepened and his developed stockier shoulders and slimmer hips.

“I used to be able to sing along with Barbara Streisand but I don’t try now,” Jacob says with a grin. “I think I went from a high alto to a second bass!”

Unlike female-to-male transsexuals, where tell-tale masculine traits point to their gender change, Jacob is entirely unrecognisable as a woman. Only two scars across his chest remain of his former breasts. Fortnightly injections of testosterone are causing his ovaries to atrophy. Even “real” men, in a pub or a gym, can’t tell.

“I’m just perceived as male,” Jacob smiles. “They naturally think I’m a little guy, a little but solid guy. If they wanted to pick a fight with me it would be because I’m short or I’m older than them; it’s not because they know me to be otherwise.”

“Female to male trans-genderists fit into a slightly different category of male. We’re not your typical male. We have female-ness about us in the way we’ve been brought up and the way we’ve more sensitive to women.”

Childhood photographs of Jacob show a smiling cutie in a dress. The few remaining snapshots of him as a woman show a short-haired, attractive female. But while Jacob’s early heterosexual experiences resulted in his daughter’s birth – when Jacob was 19 – by 21 he had begun to change.

Within a few years, he began to explore more masculine aspects of his nature – working out in a gym to disguise his femininity.

“I started when I was 25 on the misguided illusion that I was just building my muscles up. I can only see in retrospect that I really wanted to do more.”

Life may have been simpler and far less physically painful for Jacob to have remained a female. In 1992 he chose the tougher path – living as a man before receiving approval to trans-gender.

“I’d lived being very butch, but at the point of making the decision to trans-gender I started strapping the breasts down and wearing what else you need to wear.” The approval itself was easily gained – Jacob’s GP referred him to an endocrinologist for assessment and a testosterone prescription.

“At first you see a little bit of male-nesss but you also see a lot of female-ness. Then – bang! – you wake up one day and all of a sudden you’re a male.” “The hormones do increase the libido in my case. It’s actually like going through puberty – male puberty. ”

Jacob also experienced an alarming side-effect – with testosterone came increased aggression.

“Being raised as a female you don’t know how to deal with this aggression. I used to get upset because I’d be angry and I’d be angry because I was upset. It took me a while to realise what was happening.”

A plastic and reconstructive technician performed the breast surgery – only slightly less severe than a radical mastectomy – requiring more than 90 percent of his breast tissue to be removed. The nipples stayed intact. Jacob is still getting used to that breast-free sensation – reflexively reaching for the now-unnecessary strapping when there’s a knock at the door.

“It’s ecstasy in a sense, because after strapping down and after having a child I was average-sized – I hadn’t worn a bra since I was 21, but I think I was about a 34B. “If you’re content with who you are then surgery’s just cosmetic and comfort. Jacob’s next surgical procedure will be an operation to remove the uterus and ovaries, which produce the female hormone oestrogen. The surgery will leave him incapacitated for more than three months.

Further trans-gender surgery to create a penis is still medical frontier territory. It’s a gamble Jacob is not yet willing to take – and he believes life can be sexually fulfilling without it.

“We’re guinea pigs at the moment and I’m not prepared to be a guinea pig,” he says.

“It’s not the be all and end all. You can make do with what you have or what you can buy or make. I think the rest of my life I could be quite content to just make do as things are now. “People think you’ve got to have a penis to be male. It’s not so. It’s how you perceive yourself and all that is within your own head that matters about whether you’re male or female. It’s not what you do or don’t have done to your body that makes you male or female.”

The lack of a penis does not bother his 36-year-old girlfriend Marie. They met when Jacob was still a woman, just weeks before he made his life-altering decision.

“I thought he was she, because I’m attracted to butch women,” Marie says. “At first I couldn’t get the concept of it in my head. I think we’re too used to classifying people as female or male to try and cope with the concept of anyone who’s not quite either.”

Marie, who won’t be photographed because her family doesn’t know about Jacob’s past, is in a unique position to monitor his physical and emotional changes and support him.

“People always ask how I relate to him, if he’s male or female. I don’t see him as a man. But he’s not a woman.”

The other significant woman in Jacob’s life is his daughter. She is not in contact with her natural father and if she ever has children of her own, Jacob fully expects to be called grandad. He speaks of her acceptance with pride.

“It’s been a real experience having a child…never a mistake,” he says.

“Initially I was mum, and then she said to me, ‘What will I call you?’ So I just said, ‘Use my name’. Now all of a sudden it’s dad. It felt uncomfortable with that at first, I wasn’t her did. I still don’t perceive myself as her dad. I’m her parent, which is something I’ve always been.” “I’ve rung up her school and they’ve said, ‘You don’t sound like her parent to me,’ and I said, ‘If you knew our circumstances you’d know that I am!”

Lateo, K. (July 1994). Woman’s Day Australia