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I must’ve blinked

TRANSITIONING is a funny concept. Some people refer to it as a journey. As an analogy it fits well.

Transitioning is something that many are busting to start and in a rush to complete whilst others take it nice and easy enjoying the scenery of life as it unfolds before them. Each experience is completely unique to the individual.

How long?

This must be one of the most common questions I hear. How long for the changes start, how long before I can have surgery, how long before my voice breaks, how long before I am ‘a man’, how long before I’m done with it all???

Did I mention that each experience is completely unique? I could answer in months or years with varying degrees of certainty but does it provide the clarity you seek? What is it they say…..only time will tell?? Annoying for some but true all the same.

So, you know when you’re in it or when it’s where you’re at. But how do you know when it’s over?

For me I’ve crossed the finish line, I know it happened, but I must’ve blinked.

One day it just didn’t feel relevant anymore. Transitioning that is, not life.

Transitioning had faded so much into the background I didn’t notice it. Okay, so I reach for my packy in the morning but it doesn’t have that aching pain of ‘not enough’.

I think I’ve made peace with where I’m at. That I’m ok. Actually I’m more than ok, I’m doing excellently in life.

One day I simply found myself beyond it all.

If I sit and reflect about it all I can see that life for me has become about being the best I can be and feeling the best I can for each and every moment. If only reaching for a little better, not a miracle, and being kinder to myself about wherever it is that I’m at. It may sound a bit fluffy round the edges but a little tweaking of my perspective has truly opened some doors for me.

So I started clearing out my life making space for this new experience of being. Books have been passed on, lists unsubscribed and internet pages cleared. I feel excited. I feel renewed.

‘Being’ a man was no longer something to be aware of. I no longer vet or filter my thoughts or actions and realise I haven’t done for some time. I just am.

Being the best brother, the best uncle, the best mate and the best lover I can be is where I’m at.

I am relaxed in myself and I don’t give a hoot what anyone thinks.

What a blessed place to be.

I must’ve blinked (2009) Torque 9(1), 6.