Edward’s story

I TOLD my friends about my plans to transition to male and one of them looked kind of baffled and said, “Well I’ve wondered what it would be like to switch genders for a day now and then. I don’t think you should do it just because of that.” People often cannot imagine ever being unhappy with their gender, maybe because it is so seamlessly blended in with the rest of their personality.

I told my mother I would be having chest surgery eventually and she said “Yes, I see why you’d have that. But you wouldn’t have anything else, right? You’re not going to have that other thing [meaning phalloplasty].” I realised that it was going to take a long time for the extent of what I felt to make sense to her.

My sister said at one point, like I needed the obvious pointed out to me, “I look at you and I just don’t see a boy”. This was before I started on hormones; I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I thought, well of course you don’t, that’s the point.

Someone, I can’t remember who, said, “Why would you want to be a transsexual?” Being transsexual is not a lifestyle choice; it is not a form of rebellion or a way to make a statement. It is a situation you find yourself in and you do whatever you can.

After telling my sister she said carefully, “OK. So. I guess what I’m thinking is, how can you be sure?”

I said, “OK, well how do you know you are NOT male?”

And she thought about it and said, “Facial hair. It makes no sense to me for me to have facial hair.”

My eyes lit up. “I can’t wait to be able to shave,” I said.

Edward. (2003).

page updated 27 December 2010