THERE ARE SOME times in your life when
you just don’t feel like you belong. Maybe
you moved house as a kid and changed schools, or
tried a new sport but just couldn’t fit in
to the existing group dynamics, or perhaps you
look around now and just don’t feel like
you ‘fit’.
For me I had a lot of trouble when I was
younger feeling like I belonged. Not just
externally, at school or in the wider community,
but internally. I felt uneasy in myself and
feeling like this is not unusual for guys like
me.
Before transitioning I had tried hard to fade
into the background. I avoided socialising
outside of my group of friends and didn’t
particularly like dealing with the wider public.
I felt that interactions were distorted by
prejudice; they saw me as a butch dyke, out of
synch, and I just felt like I was living life
through the cracks; living
‘in-between’. Not really getting to
‘be’ me.
For a lot of guys I meet transitioning opens
up the doorway to a new experience of belonging.
Not only belonging in your body but the
unfolding process of finding your feet as a guy
in society, standing tall and taking your place
proudly.
This also brings up new aspects of being in
the world and living your life. The rules and
codes of manhood are often unspoken and this
throws up new challenges to navigate. Ever had
your boss talk to you when he’s having a
piss?? How’s that for uncharted
territory!
Watching guys grow into themselves I often
see the same transformations for them just as
what happened for me. Amazing change in
confidence, gains in self-respect and courage,
and cheeky wide grins are all characteristic
changes I see tied in with an incredible desire
to get out there and explore the world, a world
that views them through fresh eyes.
It’s this explosion of vitality and the
unlocking of true potential that keeps me
meeting new guys who want to take the same
journey as I have. It’s a real honour to
show them how life can be and say “Mate, I
know things are tough and you might be feeling
like you’re in no-mans-land right now but
you’re ok.
You belong. Just take a deep breath.
You’ll be just fine” and to reassure
them, almost prove, that over time things can
really change.
These are the times that remind you how much
you do belong. So maybe for me the journey had a
few bumps or losses, perhaps for you it was a
smooth ride. Transitioning opened up my life to
unseen opportunities and new paths like I had
never imagined possible and the lack of
belonging or fitting in simply faded into
nothingness. It’s an experience of growing
into your self that can be rather rewarding.
For many, waking up to find your self is even
sweeter.
