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Consider if you will your
own early teenage years. Did you feel comfortable
in your body? Were you inspired about your future?
Was there someone there to answer all your deepest
questions? Did you feel at ease with members of the
opposite sex?
Or were you like me and
the vast majority of people who struggled through
those years battling a mixture of loneliness,
confusion, depression and sheer frustration.
Did you also pray for the
time when it would all end and you would finally
grow up, feel like an adult and start living the
life you’d dreamed of with all that other
stuff left far behind in your past?
And by the way, has it
happened yet?
This article will refer to
issues involving boys as this is the area that the
author works in, however please note that many of
the ideas and concepts are equally applicable to
girls.
Why did all indigenous
societies and communities place so much emphasis on
Rites of Passage?
It was recognised that the
stages of life often meant great changes in the
psyche of the individual and the marking of these
points of change with a ritual or ceremony was in
order to facilitate this.
irth, marriage and death
were obvious times but there were many others that
we now ignore in modern Western society. Initiation
of boys was performed throughout the world and of
all the Rites of Passage this was the one that
often took the most effort and energy. It was
recognised that the future of the community
depended upon having healthy men as opposed to
overgrown boys.
The shift from boy to man
was seen as being so fundamentally important that
the boys were removed from the rest of the
community and taken away not to return until they
were on the pathway to manhood.
What is the difference
between Boy Psychology and Healthy Man
Psychology?
Boy
Psychology
- I seek
acknowledgment.
- I want it all for
me.
- Power is for my
benefit.
- I am the centre of
the universe.
- I believe I am
immortal.
- I take no
responsibility for my actions.
- I want a
mother.
Healthy Man
Psychology
- I seek that which I
believe in.
- I share with my
community.
- Power is for the
good of all.
- I am just part of
the universe.
- I know I am
mortal.
- I take full
responsibility for my actions.
- I want relationship
with a woman.
The shift from boy to man
psychology is not one that occurs naturally. The
difference in the two is so fundamental that a
significant event is required for this to happen.
It is the role of the elders within the community
to create such an event or there is a risk that boy
psychology will persist into adulthood.
Of particular interest is
that there were cross cultural commonalities to the
processes used in different parts of the
world:
1. Boys were
removed from the community.
2. The relationship of
boy and mother with the boy as an infant
finished and a new one based on respect
began.
3. The history and ways
of the community were passed on through song,
story and dance.
4. An event was crafted
that showed the boy his mortality.
5. The return of the
boy as a young man to the community was
celebrated.
6. Afterwards the elder
men in the community watched over, supported and
if necessary disciplined the young
man.
What happens if we
don’t create Rites of Passage for our
youth?
Do you know of
any men who despite being adults still function
on the model of boy psychology described above?
Imagine the frustration
and internal stress of a man still continually
seeking acknowledgement and power; wanting to be
number one all the time, thinking he is the
centre of the universe, believing he will live
forever, taking no responsibility for his
actions and then on top of that looking for a
woman who will mother him?
It is a disastrous
combination and one that often leads to either
drugs or alcohol to numb out unhappy states of
mind or the setting up of artificial
environments at work or in relationships to
create a false sense of success.
Put simply, a man can
not lead a healthy and fulfilling life if he is
still functioning at the level of boy psychology
and hiscommunity will also suffer as he will not
provide a positive contribution.
— Dr. Arne Rubinstein MBBS., FRACCP,
Queensland
Reprinted with
permission.
This article also at
http://www.menshealthandwellbeing.org.au/content/view/83/0/
---
Dr. Rubinstein is a
practicing medical doctor and CEO of the Pathways
Foundation. http://www.pathwaysfoundation.com.au/
The Pathways Foundation
operates the much lauded Pathways to Manhood
Program, a modern day rite of passage in the
form of a 5 day camp for boys between 12
- 16 and their fathers or male mentor. The
role of Mothers in this process is also vital in
its success.
itation
— Rubinstein, A. (2005). Modern Day Rites of
Passage. Torque, 5(5), October 2005.
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