I guess I consider myself an invisible
man in my situation. This completely stems from
the culture I was brought up in which is quite
different from Australia/New Zealand.
I spent 20 years of my life in Singapore
where majority of the people are of a Chinese
heritage. Through years of socialisation, I have
learnt not to share much with others unless I am
ready to accept the fact that this might lead to
the whole school (or country) knowing about me
etc.
I guess it doesn't help that Singapore is
only that small an island and everybody is
connected to everybody else in some way or
another. Because of some incidents in the past,
I am terrified of people finding out about inner
thoughts that I might have confided in one but
that person let it slip to another and hence it
sparkled a fire.
I guess what I am getting at is that the
Chinese culture does not applaud
differences.
In fact, I feel claustrophobic, as there
isn't any space/place for me in this culture
that I have to pretend I am like the rest when I
am not. I have learnt to play a convincing role
in order to fool the rest of the population into
believing what they want to believe. I am not
sure if my other Singaporean counterparts feel
the same way but this is what I feel about the
society and how I fit in (If I do fit in at
all).
Fast forwarding to the present, I am
currently in the early stages of transition and
am very glad to be here in Australia while
changes occur. As much as I realise that the
Australian culture is very accepting of
differences, I am still a prisoner of the
culture where I spent most of my life living
in.
Perhaps time can change that. Or maybe
transition where I can finally embrace myself
and project what's on the inside to the
outside.
