My name is Cindy and I met my partner
Liam some 8 years ago.
We started dating around 6 years ago and had
a commitment ceremony (as a same-sex couple) a
little over 2 years ago. I think it is important
to say that out of those 6 years the majority
had been categorised as a same sex couple as
Liam came out to me a little over a year
ago.
The one thing that I want to impress on
people through my life’s experiences is
that I believe we all transition through life in
many ways continuously. No two transitions of
any kind are the same nor are any two
individuals.
I have always loved people for their
personalities, values, strengths and weaknesses,
after all that is what makes us human I believe.
This is not to say that when Liam came out to me
I was all calm and collected. He told me what he
was experiencing, thinking and the pain and
anguish that he lived with and I could not help
but try to be caring, compassionate and
supportive. Of course I also thought “Oh
s***, what does this mean for our relationship
and our future? Will we still continue our plans
to have a family together?” And many more
things raced through my mind. I wondered if this
meant that she, now he; was going to leave me,
say that it was over, push me away, not want me
around, etc…possibly all the same fears
that a person coming out to a loved one
thinks.
For us our story has a very fairytale ending.
Liam started on the gender program in SA early
this year, I am 26 weeks pregnant with our first
child and life as we know it is great!
We have been asked to share some of our
experiences with you about fertility treatment
and in doing so give hope to everyone who
thinks/dreams of having a family with the one
they love. Liam and I were able access IVF
treatment in South Australia through a clinic in
Adelaide…yes that is right in SA!
Unfortunately due to the laws and legislation
in SA we were only able to access this treatment
because I have fertility issues, as Liam legally
is still classed as female. But for all you want
to be parents not being able to conceive a child
through home insemination with a donor for more
than 12 months can or may be classed as the
fertility issue you need to be eligible.
The whole process has taken a few years but
went like this:
We got a referral from our GP to see a
gynaecologist at the IVF Clinic. At this stage
presenting as a same-sex couple, as my partner
had not yet come out.
We were up front and honest about our
situation, our relationship and what we had
tried so far, which was home insemination with a
known donor using sterile jars and syringe (no
needle obviously) for approximately 18
months.
The specialist went through what the SA
guidelines were for same-sex couples being that
we were not able to access IVF treatment purely
on the basis of no available sperm. But what he
did tell us was that if we could find some
reason to deem me with a fertility issue then we
would be eligible regardless of relationship or
sexual orientation.
So we went through “testing to see what
we could come up with” as the specialist
put it. Let's face it a fertility clinic want to
help people make families. As it turned out I
was diagnosed with fibroids and endometriosis
making us eligible for treatment anyway.
So we went through the usual process of
appointments and counselling, filled out the
paperwork and made arrangements to start
treatment. All the time with Liam being listed
as my partner.
We had our first IVF Cycle in June this year
and was lucky enough to hit the jackpot first
try.
Now we await the arrival of our bundle of joy
in March 2006!
Then hopefully we will embark on a similar
journey again in the years to come.
Now I know that many people will be saying to
themselves “That wouldn’t happen to
me.” I have to admit that I never thought
that it would be possible either and it
hasn’t all been easy, but it sure has been
worth fighting for. The fears, expectations,
disappointments, hurdles and compromises that
our journey has enabled us to go through have
been worth every smile and every tear. It has
cemented that life can be unfair, hard and
tiresome but that with that special person
beside you dreams can be achieved together.
I would like to say to people
“Don’t give up hope and never give up
on this dream. Things may take a little longer
than you expect but like a cliché says:
‘All good things come to those who
wait’.”
I have been very fortunate to find a love and
a companion that beats my wildest dreams and the
joy and happiness of being able to start a
family with this wonderful person. I admit it
took a while to find and create, but ultimately
it was worth the years I waited.
The joy of sharing this experience with Liam
is priceless and I can’t wait to see the
expression on his face the first time that his
son says: ‘Dad’.
So for this Cinderella, her prince charming
did come along eventually and we are living
happily ever after.
Go after your dreams.
