Andrew
Blair spent the first 45 years of his life
living as a woman named Anne. Since undergoing
his transition in 1999, he has been happily life
life as a man.
"When I was a boy, I knew I was a boy, but I
was living inside a girl’s body. But when I
hit puberty and everything happened then, I was
very confused.
I thought I would never grow that definitive
male object and I suppressed all those feelings.
I just felt stuck in a female body.
At age 15, I remember looking at girls and
wanting them, and so I thought I was gay. So, I
got myself married as I thought a change in my
behaviour would change the problem as it was
driving me crazy.
At age 18, I was out trying to catch a man. I
did the chasing, the proposing and propelled him
all the way to the altar. I really figured I did
not have much choice.
I stayed in that marriage for 24 years, but I
had a horrible time – I used to imagine
having sex with women and I could not work out
who I was.
We had two sons, but at age 35 in 1989 I sat
my family down and told them I was coming out as
a lesbian. My husband said that was not possible
as we had children together, but I had to tell
him that this is the way it was.
But when I had my first sexual relationship
with a woman, I found it was not the drawing
together of two people who were the same that
attracted me. It was actually the opposite.
I was at a stage when I was not sure who I
was until my first year in university doing my
psychology degree when I went in as Anne Brewer
and came out as Andrew Blair – a name my
friends at the gay Christian group Acceptance
had given me.
By the early 1990s, I came out to myself
openly – I had been doing so very deep down
since 1989 and I had been very afraid. Well, I
was no longer afraid.
At uni, I learnt all about the process. My
psychiatrist told me just to go for it and so I
did. I really did have none of the trouble that
other people do.
From 1992, I had become something of a drag
king as I had begun cross-dressing as a man.
I again sat my sons down, this time to tell
them I was about to enter a transition and I was
going to have surgery and become a man. One son
just replied, “Well, I guess you will
because you always do what you say you
will.”
I began hormone therapy and the second sexual
characteristics began – my voice dropped,
my hair on my head fell out and I grew hair on
other parts of my body which I didn’t know
could grow hair.
After a few weeks on the hormones, something
just clicked into place and I became so clear. I
had all these hormones finally rushing around my
male brain.
After I had the mastectomy, I was so happy
and had no mourning whatsoever. But I was not
able to afford the phalloplasty, and with what I
knew about its rate of success, I decided I
wouldn’t.
I went through a period of using a prosthesis
to stand up to pee, but I always got wet and
would rather have dry clothes. I am just me and
if anyone says anything, then too bad.
Within weeks of starting the transition, I
said to myself that I was now a bloke – I
just knew it. I then began to remember back to
all the times from the past when I had felt like
a boy in a girl’s body. Then one day
somebody called me a “bloody poofter”
and I thought, “Great! I have finally made
it.”
I then met my wife Jessica, who was born
intersex and almost a perfect hermaphrodite. She
had known all her life she was female and once
she began oestrogen therapy, she began transing
into the woman she always was.
We became engaged at the 1998 Pride New
Year’s Eve party and had our commitment
ceremony on 21 August 1999. In 2003, recognised
as man and wife, we were legally allowed to
marry.
A few years back, I became involved in the
Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service as I wanted
to be counselling in our community. I am a
Christian and I thought if anyone has a question
about the church, I think I have the answers as
I know about inclusive theology.
While I still get a sense of fulfilment out
of it and it makes me feel like I am helping
someone out, I now have thoughts of whether I
actually belong at GLCS as I am now a straight
man.
I used to belong because I was a transsexual,
but you can’t be forever transing your sex.
There is a time when it is done. I don’t
consider myself a trans person any more as I
have crossed that line.
But I can’t see myself leaving GLCS as I
don’t want to go. I still feel this is my
community and when I am here I am doing things
that make me feel good and fulfilled. It does
seem to get easier as each year goes by.
