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Note from Michelle regarding the Diary
Entries:
From Day One of Chris getting injections we have
been keeping a journal of side effects, changes,
feelings etc. I thought it would be interesting
to commit to paper the changes from the littlest
thing to the most major. We have been asked to
share this journey with you. We hope it helps
partners as well as those who are just starting
out or who are thinking about it.
27th May 2004
Day one - injection day. There are
great expectations of what is going to happen
from here on in. Half an ampoule of T was given
at 3.30 pm today.
28th May 2004
Day Two - the area where injection was
received became extremely sensitive. Chris had a
headache today and he noticed slight change in
body smell, though it was not evident to anybody
else.
29th May 2004
Day Three - Body temperature seemed to
increase slightly noticed when we woke up that
the bed sheets were slightly wet from Chris
sweating during the night. Noticed a few skin
irritations have put it down to temperature
increase. Chris complained of sharp pains in
stomach, need to keep an eye on this just in
case.
30th May 2004
Day Four - Pains in stomach still there
quite sharp, slight headaches and body
temperature still increasing.
31st May 2004
Day Five - Headaches still occurring.
Pains in the stomach continuing. Nature is
fighting everything. Very hard day for Chris
today he is closer to his dreams but nature has
stepped in today and made him aware that part of
his body is still female. I don't think the
changes are happening quickly enough for him.
1st June 2004
Day Six - Headaches still ongoing,
pains in the stomach increasing. Mother Nature
gave Chris a break today I wonder if it will
last.
2nd June 2004
Day Seven - Nope didn't last. It all
started again today. Poor Chris the mind says he
is male, the injections are promising to change
him physically, his body is still saying he is
female. One good thing is that the headaches
seemed to have stopped. Lots of pain still.
Chris noticed that his voice was croaky today
though it is possible it is the flu. I don't
think the injections will work that quickly.
3rd June 2004
Day Eight - No other changes apart from
noted already will write again when something
else happens. He is still in a lot of pain and
Mother Nature is not letting go. She is making
sure her point is known, I am sure.
6th June 2004
Day 11 - The past few days have been
hard for Chris but everything seems to be back
on track. He is now a boy again no female
interruptions. Though now he is acting like a
teenager, though hormones are running rampant
now. It feels like he has a one track mind. He
is trying to stay busy, poor dear, fighting
those urges. I wonder how long that will last.
7th June 2004
Day 12 - No other changes, Poor Chris
it just isn't happening quick enough. Though I
think the hormones are running wild. It is like
dating a teenager, there is a lot of sexual
energy there. Am I going to cope?
8th June 2004
Day 13 - Aches and pains in the back
have started. Not sure why this is happening
will just have to wait and see.
9th June 2004
Day 14 - Noticed Chris' voice is still
croaky. Could be the flu we will just have to
wait and see. Chris said he was feeling down
today, described it as being flat.
10th June 2004
Day 15 - Second injection is today,
Chris is feeling really excited about it. Only
having half doses and after the next two shots
he is going try the pellets. My teenage husband
seems to have matured, in the last couple of
days, don't have to fight him off as much.
11th June 2004
Day 16 - Chris is feeling more alive
today, the injections seem to be having an
effect on the way he feels though it isn't
obvious. My teenage husband is back. I may have
to start taking something myself soon just to
keep up with him.
14th June 2004
Day 19 - Voice is still different not
so much when he talks but when he make
exclamation noises or sings you can hear the
different pitches in the voice.
15th June 2004
Day 20 - Noticed a few pimples are on
his back. Unusual as he doesn't normally get
them. He says he can feel as though his hair is
growing on his face.
16th June 2004
Day 21 - Chris thinks he is getting
sick because he has a sore throat today, I guess
this explains the change in voice.
17th June 2004
Day 22 - Chris asked me to have a look
at his face to see if hair is growing. It
actually looks like it is.
18th June 2004
Day 23 - When I look in Chris'
direction I notice he keeps feeling his chin for
hairs. He says he can't wait to start shaving -
even though he wants to shave, he also wants a
goatee when he has transitioned. It is quite
funny because when we were first together he
said he wanted to shave and would keep teasing
me with it saying he was going to grow a goatee
and start shaving. Now this is a reality. He
cannot hide the excitement in his face. He
certainly has found himself. It is such an
interesting process to watch and extremely
exciting. Sometimes I try to imagine what he is
going to look like and how different it is all
going to be. It is so hard to imagine but at the
same time it is so exciting. Our bodies are an
amazing thing.
Chris' temperature is rising again. When he
wakes up he looks like he has taken a shower. I
guess I am going to have to turn down the water
bed temperature. We have disagreements on what
the temperature for the bed should be now as I
like it really hot. I guess it is going to get
worse from here on in.
19th June 2004
Day 24 - Chris is starting to get
agitated. It is starting to get closer to the
next injection. I know he doesn't like feeling
that he is now relying on these injections
because of the feelings it gives him and how he
comes down as it starts to wear off. I have
asked him does he want to stop because it is
starting to get to him. But he says no. He wants
to keep going.
20th June 2004
Day 25 - Temperature is constantly warm
all the time now and he is sweating while he
sleeps. Hopefully this will even out eventually.
I am noticing that has he feels warmer all the
time and I now feel the cold more.
2nd July 2004
Day 38 - There haven't been any new
changes so have not written for a while but
today Chris informed his boss of what he is
doing and she is being very supportive. His boss
also informed his CEO and a meeting was
organised between them to discuss the matter he
too is being very supportive. Chris started to
tell his staff. So far so good, no negative
feedback as yet.
8th July 2004
Day 44 - This is the last injection
before the pellets. After the last FTMA meeting
when Leo spoke, we were unsure about them. But
Chris is going to try them anyway.
9th July 2004
Day 45 - Noticing lots of hair on
Chris' face now. He is very excited as he will
have to consider shaving soon. He says people
are starting to notice.
10th July 2004
Day 46 - Most people who now know about
Chris have been very supportive. It hasn't been
as hard as we thought it would be telling
people. I guess it is because everybody can see
how happy Chris is now and how can you be
negative about something that makes people this
happy.
14th July 2004
Day 50 - Chris is starting to feel
comfortable in his own skin now. Though he
hasn't gone through with any operations yet the
way he feels inside is showing on the outside
and this has increased his confidence to no end.
20th July 2004
Day 56 - Chris is getting the pellets
tomorrow. He is feeling very scared about it,
but happy as well.
21st July 2004
Day 57 - Pellet day. As were waiting to
go in Chris went about three different shades of
white. As soon as we went in Chris went and lay
down on the bed, because he was feeling nervous.
Leo wasn't in so we had Anne. She gave Chris a
local needle, then three more to numb the area
then inserted the metal tube placing a pellet in
there and then pushing them into the fat of his
stomach. Chris felt the second pellet going in.
I really felt sorry for him as he said it really
hurt and stung a lot. Anne gave him another
local in the area where the other pellets were
going just in case. I know Chris really wanted
to get it in the hip but Anne advised against it
first off. I don't know how Chris is going to
cope with them in his stomach. Afterwards he
said he didn't like the feeling of the cutting
of skin but I guess it's the thought of what
they were doing rather then feeling it.
Afterwards (1 hour after) Chris started to feel
tender.
22nd July 2004
Day 58 - His stomach is really sore and
hurts when he bends or bumps it. He really isn't
coping with the pellets in the stomach.
23rd July 2004
Day 59 - He is still feeling tender,
but not as worried, seems to be healing ok. We
had the day off work so he could rest. We went
and bought him a Shaver today. He was like a kid
in a candy store. There were just too many to
choose from. He finally found one he liked and
couldn't wait to get home to use it. He needed
to start shaving as the hair is really getting
noticeable now and looking untidy. Chris has
also said that people are really concerned with
his health (that is those who don't know yet) as
he has had the flu for so long now and his voice
doesn't seem to be getting any better. Even
though the voice change is really only slight
and doesn't sound different all the time there
are definitely times when the pitch is either
really low or really high. I guess it is not
going to be long now before the change is
noticeable all the time.
29th July 2004
Day 65 - The bandage that was on Chris'
stomach came off last night with a little bit of
help from me. It has been a week and Anne said
it would be fine to take the bandage off then if
it hadn't fallen off by then. I was a bit
nervous taking it off as I was scared it might
have been too soon. But the bandage was really
starting to irritate Chris' skin and annoy him.
The cut had healed so all was good. But now
Chris can really feel the pellets moving around
inside the stomach. I have been keeping an eye
on them as well. Chris won't be getting the
pellets in the stomach again it is really too
uncomfortable. Not sure yet whether he will go
back to injections or will try the pellets in
the hip. Will have to wait and see he has a few
months to decide.
His facial hair is really growing back quite
quickly and getting really prickly. Chris is
very excited about it all. I know he really
wants to grow a goatee but until we can afford
the surgery he will have to keep shaving. It is
going to get harder soon neither of us realized
just how quickly the physical changes would be.
Will need to start looking into the surgeries
and what we need to do. It will be exciting to
see what happens from here on in.
Citation
— Michelle. (2004). Transition Diary #1.
Transcript #3, August 2004.
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