For me, it doesn't feel like I've had
to kill off a part of me (or someone I could
have become) . . . it's more like the separation
that happens at the end of a relationship . . it
feels really sharp at the breakup . . but later
on I can remember why I loved that person as
well as why we're no longer together . . . and
today I feel a lot more comfortable with
feminine parts of my personality that I did when
they meant people didn't see me as a guy.
It's helped me to allow myself time to grieve
for things. For some people there is / will be
lots of grief around no longer going to women's
events etc. I took about 4 years to decide to
transition because I feared losing that sense of
community.
When I finally made the decision, I'd already
worked through some of this stuff - and was
mostly excited about transitioning - though
there were days when I got overwhelmed by the
sense of loss (especially when old friends
ignored me or ended our friendship). Now lots of
those friends have had some time to adjust and
it's fine.
I also tried to do things that celebrated my
decision to transition . . I'd pretty much
always worn male clothes, but guys who haven't
sometimes go out and buy new clothes . . . I
bought a nice male moisturiser as a special
treat that I used every day.
