A little thought that sums up what made
the difference for me:
Journeys begin when the pain of
not growing becomes greater than the pain of
growing.
Transitioning has been described by some
(often not the one doing the transitioning
themselves), as a supremely selfish act. And
yes, in some respects it is.
It's making a decision about yourself, for
yourself, that a lot of people cannot and/or
will not understand. It can alienate and be the
cause of rejection. That's something we have all
had to take into account.
It makes a monumental difference to how one
moves in the world and how others interact with
us. It also changes how others look at us
sexually. This can be a source of great anxiety
if previous, current or potential partners are
people who are attracted to a variety of female
body, which by transitioning, we are saying
we're not.
While the people around us and the community
to which we feel we belong are important, it
comes down to how happy or not one is with the
way things are and weighing one's options from
that. First and foremost it's about you - each
of us has to be able to live with ourselves.
Even low doses of testosterone have an impact
on the outward appearance of the body and on the
limbic system. The effect it will have is the
effect it will have - we don't get to pick and
choose what or how much change occurs.
As a personal comment on fears of changes
being too fast and too dramatic, I've been on a
"full dose" of testosterone for about 9 months
now and my body has only recently started
showing effects that other people are noticing.
It definitely doesn't happen overnight!
Testosterone has its own agenda when
introduced to a body, and in that regard it's
probably a better idea to get advice from an
endocrinologist rather than relying on "folk
wisdom".
I'm not going to preach about techniques of
transitioning or choice of hormone therapy. I
guess it all boils down to doing as much
reflection and research as humanly possible and
you feel you need to make the choice. AND not to
get pressured one way or the other - either by
medical practitioners or by communities you move
in.
Ultimately it's you who has to live with
it…there's no rush. The door will still be
there if and when you decide to walk through
it.
— by Blade, Australia
Used with permission.
