My name is Betty. I am sixty-six years
old, a retired teacher, a mother, mother-in-law
and grandmother. My only daughter is married to
a man who was born with transsexualism.
Many years ago I first read about people who
had undergone sexual transformation, people who
claimed that they had always felt uncomfortable
in the bodies with which they were born, that
they had always known they were really of the
opposite sex. At the time I found such stories
fascinating, but not knowing anything about this
condition, I was not sure whether to believe or
disbelieve their claims. 'How,' I wondered,
'would anyone know that they were not the person
their body showed them to be?' It had never
occurred to me to question my female
identity.
It was not until many years later when I got
to know my future son-in-law, Cameron, that I
understood what those people had meant.
I first met Cameron as a (seemingly female)
friend of my daughter, Elizabeth. Liz and I were
planning to spend Christmas together. She had
asked me would I mind if she invited her friend
on Christmas Day as well. I readily agreed. I
liked him at once. The three of us spent a
pleasant Christmas together and next day Liz and
I were invited to go for a drive to the beach,
first stopping off at his home to feed his
dog.
Before we met, Liz felt she should warn me
that her friend was rather 'masculine', and this
proved to be true.
He was overtly masculine. He scorned such
female vanities as the removal of hair on legs
and underarm. Everything about him screamed
'Man'. He dressed like a man and his hair was
uncompromisingly short. His interests and
activities reflected his masculinity. The
interior of his home revealed a spartan bachelor
pad (where nothing matched!). The lounge room
was almost solely furnished with serious looking
gym equipment. Outside, however, was a different
story. The expertly landscaped garden was all
his own work. His dog, by the way, was large and
scary!
The only female thing about my daughter's
friend that I could see was his name which he
hated. He asked to be called by a gender
nonspecific version.
Almost immediately I saw the answer to my
question of long ago. Here was one of those
people I had read about. It was so obvious. I
asked my daughter would her friend be happier as
a man.
It was then with relief that she told me
Cameron had already begun the process of
changing his body to match the person that he
is, and that they had already begun a
relationship. They had been apprehensive about
telling me, not knowing how I would react. When
my attitude was positive they gave me literature
to read about transsexualism. I have been their
staunchest supporter ever since. I had no doubts
then that Cameron was a man and I have never had
any doubts since. Cameron's mother passed away
fourteen years ago, long before the
transformation of his public identity took
place. She was aware of his problem but knew
nothing of its medical nature. However, she had
on occasion remarked that her oldest 'daughter'
had been born 'with the wrong body'.
Some time after they were married I
accompanied Liz and Cameron to a group
discussion conducted by world-renowned Dutch
endocrinologist, Louis Gooren, on the subject of
transsexualism. I was the only parent at the
meeting and felt very proud and privileged to be
there. I found the discussion interesting and
enlightening. I also accompanied them to a
meeting of a support group dealing with issues
of donor conception. Cameron is unable to
biologically father children. This is a matter
of sadness to him but he loves children and so
he and Liz decided to do the next best thing -
to have children using donor sperm. They now
have two wonderful sons who have brought great
joy into all our lives. I am proud to say that
they are wonderful parents and their sons adore
them both. Their children are a credit to them.
The boys will grow up with the knowledge of the
circumstances of their births and their dual
heritage. Hopefully this will be a positive
experience.
Elizabeth and Cameron have included me in
their lives as a close part of their family. I
have witnessed their loving relationship, and
shared their joy at the birth of their sons.
Cameron supported Liz through her pregnancies
and was present at the births. He is a loving
dad, a thoughtful and solicitous husband and a
good provider who cares deeply about his
family.
He has also been a loving son-in-law to me,
including me with Elizabeth as part of his
family and sharing many family outings. He had
helped me in innumerable ways around my home -
building gardens, installing cupboards, tiling,
cleaning gutters - all those chores which are
traditionally performed by men. He is never too
busy to help me whenever I ask. He even
accompanied me and negotiated a great deal for
me when I traded my car for a new one because,
as he put it, 'Car salesmen take advantage of
'little old ladies!' (Actually that strained the
friendship a little!)
Contrary to the popular belief held for many
years, transsexualism is not a psychological
problem, which can be 'cured'. Nor does it carry
salacious overtones. Eminent medical researchers
in the field have concluded rather, that it is a
condition which occurs naturally among a small
percentage of the population. The term 'brain
sex' refers to a person's knowledge, due to the
structure and chemistry of their brain, of
whether they are male or female. In a person who
has transsexualism, the brain sex is at variance
with the bodily features which indicate a
person's sex. In other words, a male person with
transsexualism is born with a female body, and
vice versa. It is brain sex, which determines a
person's sex whatever the rest of the body
indicates. The power of brain sex is compelling.
Bodily indicators have no power to influence a
person's feeling of identity. Not that I needed
anyone to tell me that Cameron was male and had
always been so. I could see it myself.
People with transsexualism usually recognise
their true selves from a very young age. They
may try to explain their feelings but seldom are
they heeded. People sometimes grow angry or
dismiss the feelings as a phase which will pass.
But transsexualism is for life and those with
the condition cannot alter their conviction.
People who experience transsexualism deserve
acceptance and support along the road they have
been compelled by Nature to travel.
Cameron is like a son to me and I love him
dearly. There is no other man whom I would
prefer to have as my daughter's husband.
