Telling my partner of my TS was hard, I
thought well if she really knows me and has
really listened to what I have said in the past,
she should have some idea. After we spoke about
it and she had some time to think, she had to
admit that some part of her always knew. So to
me there was already some level of acceptance
before I told her anyway. This made things a bit
easier. While she knew how I felt, she had no
idea what I had planned to do about it, or what
options were available to me. As soon as she
found out about the hormones & chest surgery
she knew I would be going down that path. From
there, well we haven't got that far yet; this
process is one step at a time. She knows that
the only part of me that will change is my
physical aspect; mentally I am still the same
person. The only thing that will change that's
not physical, is my own personal confidence,
which has already changed significantly.
My partners' three kids have been great, they
knew better than I thought they did. I get along
better with them, than I do most of my extended
family. My partner has a chuckle when her son
comes around, not sure why, I mean gees, I gotta
get my shaving tips from somewhere. Glad she
didn't have a camera last time to catch me and
him stand there for an hour trying to work out
how to tie a tie, but hey between us we
conquered the Half-Windsor.
Her grandkids make me smile. Kids always seem
to see people for how they really are. The
eldest grandkid, when we are playing around,
tells me to keep away so she doesn't get any boy
germs, make me stop and grin every time. No
matter how much of an act you put on, they will
see through it. I love spending time with them
because they have never known me as anything but
male and it shows, don't ask me how, it just
does. My partners' folks and her sister have
been pretty good about it, even though they
don't understand it all. But then the impression
I always got was they found it hard to consider
me female.
When I started to seriously contemplate
'transitioning' as they say, I spent months
researching other guys' stories on the internet.
Specifically, I was curious to read about how
their families reacted. Form memory, I think I
would have been lucky to have found five sites
that had positive outcomes. Most families I had
read about had been totally negative; it was
pretty depressing stuff to read. Maybe I just
wasn't looking in the right corner of the World
Wide Web.
When I finally made the decision to tell my
family about my TS and need to transition, I
fair-dinkum s*** myself. I stewed and
procrastinated for months about telling them,
telling a partner is one thing, your family is a
totally different matter. I mean what do you
say, "Hey dad, you know how you say I'll always
be your little girl? Well, that's not quite
true."
Unfortunately it wasn't quite that easy, but
it also wasn't as hard as I'd imagined it would
be. I had all kinds of fears, but mostly that I
would be rejected and ostracized by the people I
cared most for. Ever since my eldest brothers'
suicide 'family' has taken on a whole new
meaning for us, so their acceptance and
understanding of me and what I was doing was
deeply important to me. At the same time, it had
no impact on my decision to transition; I was
doing with or without their support. As it turns
out I needn't have worried, my family generally
took it pretty well.
Since as far back as anyone can remember I
never dressed, acted nor spoke like the little
girl my parents thought they were supposed to
have. Instead I was out playing football and
cricket, and trying my damnedest to knot my hair
enough to get it all cut off. So for most of
them it was no surprise when I told them, they
had seen it pretty much as I thought they should
have. In my mind it was like…if it looks
like a bloke, talks & walks like a bloke
then yep, chances are it's a bloke. Turns out,
that's pretty much what they all thought too,
their primary concern was whether or not I would
be happy.
The people, whom I thought would react badly,
my elder brother and younger sister, totally
blew me away when I told them especially my
brother. I'd never had a real close relationship
with him from since when we were kids, and I
thought that this would have severed what small
tie we had so he was the last to know.
Ironically, it had totally the opposite affect.
In the end I didn't get a chance to tell him
that was kind of done for me. It's funny to look
back on now actually, but at the time it was
bloody nerve-wrecking.
Picture it OK…sitting around the garage
at your brother's 30th birthday, some of our
family there, my partner and my brothers'
girlfriends parents. You're having a bbq, a few
drinks and generally a good time. Next thing you
know my brother's girlfriend's father is asking
me, at what seemed the top of his lungs, how on
Earth do they make a dick for a chick. I swear
the whole room chose that moment to stop
talking, and let's not forget my brother who
also chose that moment to come back into the
garage. Hey don't beat around the bush mate,
just come right out and say what's on your
mind.
Well, my jaw hit the ground, like in them
cartoons, and I just stared at my brother. He
just looked at me and said "What? You think I
didn't know? Gimme a break, look at yourself."
The next half hour or so turned into an open
forum on phalloplasty and chest surgery, and I
was the guest speaker. Like I said, I was blown
away, for a couple of reasons actually.
Firstly, in the moments after my brother said
that, things between me and him changed. It felt
like all of a sudden there was a bond there
between us, as I felt with the rest of my
family. Maybe it's not as strong, but we're
building on it pretty quickly. In fact, of my
family, he is the only one that tries to
remember to call me Ashley and not by my birth
name, which I had changed 30 seconds after my
18th birthday ticked over.
He even went so far as to ask me what he
should get my nephews to call me, since they
used to get extremely confused when told to call
me Aunty.
The second reason I was so blown away was
because of the questions they were asking, so
openly, genuinely interested and curious. It was
like any other everyday conversation, just
another subject to chat over while waiting for
the food to be cooked.
My sister is a different story. I just don't
think she gets it, she's OK with me, but she
doesn't understand it. I think that as she gets
a bit older, and we talk about it a bit more,
that will change. Although she is now telling me
to stop taking hormones as I'm taking on too
many male characteristics, but it's more that
I'm letting her see who I really am.
Awesome is the only word I can think of to
describe how my mom has handled it all, she's
more concerned about how my girlfriend is doing
with it all. Mum never missed a beat.
Overnight she went from 10 years of nagging
me to grow my hair, to telling me I need a
haircut because the number three I had was too
long. She reckons she knew years ago and was
just waiting for me to realise and do something
about it. Wish she had had bought it up with me
back then.
My dad accepted very early on that I was
never going to be his little girl. I never even
can close. I don't thin he'll ever really tell
me how he feels about all this. However, without
saying it I know I have his 100% support. Our
relationship only really began after my
brothers' death, before that we didn't really
know each other that well. Since then we've
become pretty close.
We've spent every other weekend landscaping
his front and backyards and at the end of the
day, having a chat over a few beers. If I never
see another sledgehammer or wheelbarrow again,
it won't be too soon.
Looking back over my relationship with my
Dad, it has always been that of a father/son,
not a father/daughter. Which would explain why
not a thing has changed between us. There's no
need to change anything. It's exactly how it
should be.
I never even thought about the possibility of
such a positive outcome when I began all this. I
thought I knew my family well enough to gauge
their reactions and response, but how well do
any of us really know our family. Guess I needed
to have a bit more faith in them.
