You've got a handle on that feeling of
disquiet, of discontent, of not feeling at home
in your own body, psyche and the world. You have
a name for it, maybe many names: transsexual,
bi-gender, transgendered, man, transman
…YOU.
You can do something about it too: you can
transition. Testosterone will change your body
and you might begin to feel more connected to
it; you may change your name and pronouns; you
can present yourself and the world will see you
and treat you as the man you know yourself to
be.
You are doing something about this now -
after months, years or possibly a lifetime
searching for understanding. You are being true
to yourself and everything is coming together.
What could possibly be better for your mental
health?
This article considers some of the mental
health challenges a transgender person may
confront before, during and after
transition… and makes some suggestions for
ways to think about and deal with them.
Redefining You
Connecting your past with your present and
future can be challenging in light of a cross
gender identity. You have established roles,
relationships and identities with family,
friends, partners,sexuality, work, study.
At times, you may feel great relief as the
gender pieces fall together and begin to make
sense of who you are; at other times, you may
find a range of different emotions when you
reflect on the years spent not being the person
you now know yourself to be. It can seem like a
roller coaster ride full of ups-and-downs, highs
and lows; frustration at things moving too slow
and other times too fast.
Support is important: friends, family,
partner(s), animals, spirituality, long drives,
thinking and feeling time and more. Support can
come from a number of places … but the
starting point is always YOU. Forming or
strengthening a positive relationship with
yourself is the 'best medicine' when it comes to
mental health.
Transition is a process that takes time and
has many interconnected layers. Making sure you
have time, space and capacity to think, feel,
reflect, discuss and take different actions are
important elements. This can be done simply - a
journal, regular chats with friends checking out
your perspective on things, reading, trying
different strategies to deal with situations,
and being open to understanding yourself and the
world differently.
Transition can be a process of getting to
know you and being you. Feeling good about you
is an aim of transition and ongoing growth.
Connecting With Your Body
Given the critical attention to bodies in
western culture, its hard for anyone to have a
positive self image. For transgender men, this
can be even more difficult as the body you have
doesn't match your desires, expectations or
wants. However, it is your body and the more you
take care of it, the more you will benefit.
Depending on where you are in Australia,
access to hormones will be more or less
dependant on health care provider and their
assessment of your overall mental health. Many
people have written about the unjustness of this
arrangement, how gender is pathologised, and how
health care providers act as the gatekeeper of
people's access to changing their bodies as they
see fit.
Notwithstanding these critiques, a
prescription of hormones requires a visit to a
general practitioner or a gender dysphoria
clinic.
A good doctor can be more than a way of
getting safe hormones. They can provide support,
offer information and be a sounding board for
you; they can help you monitor your health and
the impact of testosterone. Not all of the
hormone-induced changes will necessarily bring
joy and relief - and a doctor will be able to
assist you with managing all these changes.
As your body changes, you will have an
opportunity to reconsider your relationship with
it. Do you like and enjoy your body? Are there
parts of your body that you 'hate'? How do you
receive physical, sexual and emotional pleasure?
Hormones will change your body in some ways but
not all. Finding ways to accept and allow
pleasure can assist with mental health.
Intimate Relationships
As you change, so too will your intimate
relationships. Given that transition can be a
time of great self-absorption, it can be tricky
to balance the needs of others. This can put
some strain on relationships. It is not your
place to provide all the support and information
needs of friends, family, partners and work
colleagues. Accessing support groups and
services can help take the pressure off you and
provide others with their own space to ask
questions and talk about how they feel.
Transition isn't an exclusive experience for
the trans person, it is also experienced by
significant others.
Not all partnerships end because of
transition, however, you may have heard of a few
'horror' stories of terrible relationship
break-ups. Maintaining safe, comfortable and
honouring boundaries during transition can be
difficult.
The trans community is small and personal
information can become urban myth (or gossip)
quickly. Having trustworthy, confidential
friendships can minimise this risk of your
private life becoming too public.
Transition can affect your sexuality, desire
and expression of that desire. There may be some
general expectations you can watch out for but
not everyone experiences these 'common'
effects.
So once again, a strong relationship with you
is the most important starting point. Getting
feedback from your partner and friends might
help too.
Seeing things from a different perspective
may help keep things in balance. Talking about
your relationship and your sex life with your
partners is a good start. If you need some ideas
on how to get these discussions going, a
counsellor may help; so too might a good book
(erotic, educational, pictorial) or a workshop
or a visit to a sex shop (on line or in real
life).
Living in a Man's World
The role, status and expectations of men in
Australian culture are complex and not always
reasonable or healthy. Gender is deeply felt (or
assumed) set of qualities. Research shows that
women are 'permitted' to express gender in many
ways, however, acceptable gender behaviour for
men is much more limited. Living as a man will
expose you to customs and expectations that you
may not have been aware of - everything from
bathroom etiquette, to the ways men bond and
support each other, and to romantic and sexual
expectations of women and men.
It can be useful to have other men to check
out your understanding of the norms of men in
groups; to bounce ideas with and to 'reality
check' your perception of yourself.
In my experience, it is common for transmen
during their transition to have a heightened
sensitivity to the reactions of people in the
community. While this is a totally 'normal'
stage, keeping things in perspective will help
keep the impact of this time to a minimum.
Correcting legal and identifying documentation
may go some way to assist with this.
The man that you are is for you to sculpt and
create. Hormones may go some way to modifying
your body… the rest will take your time and
effort.
Your relationship with yourself, your
strength and courage, your honour and your
capacity for joy and happiness are all part of
being a man too.
There is support available. It might not be
easy to find… but transition hopefully,
won't add further trauma or distress. Your
mental health is yours to nurture and take care
of. Make and take the time you need and
deserve.
