HOW could I know what to expect? The
soft, smiling, androgynous woman I was falling
in love with just informed me that she's decided
to physically transition to male. Prior to this
announcement, she'd always say she was
comfortable being "in the middle". Maybe our
closeness was making her realize she needed to
be true to herself. Maybe it was just time for
her to be true to herself no matter what, even
in spite of our closeness.
My identity that is dyke, card-carrying
lesbian,
been-around-the-block-with-men-in-the-past-and-don't-want-to-go-back...
that part of me dissapproved, turned away,
eventually broke up with him.
Later, the part of me that is beyond
identity, the part that is at my core, not
caring how the world categorizes me.... that
part brought me back. I really loved this
man.
I still do. I love him even more now that
he's a man. Because he decided to transition,
I've been given the gift of really being able to
know him for who he is. Sometimes, it seems so
crazy to me, I smile, shake my head and give up
trying to figure it out. I remember, in old
movies, the corny lovers realizing that love is
not something we can figure out. It has a life
of it's own.
The truth is that what I love the most is his
commitment to be true to himself no matter what,
and that our love does have a life of it's own.
It brings us laughter and comraderie and passion
and togetherness. And sometimes I still smile
and shake my head and think "A Dyke and Her
Man", isn't life strange?
