As many of you already know, Jamie and
I started the relationship off both as women -
lesbians if you like. We had been friends for a
while before that, so we were not just together
- we were best friends. I always knew that
something was different about her, that she
wasn't your average lesbian! But because of my
counselling background, I chose not to question
her about it because I didn't want to make her
feel uncomfortable or put ideas in her head.
Then one warm spring day, I was hit with it.
I guess for most partners and families, it's
like getting hit by a truck. But for me I was ok
because I was already aware of her difference
and I was proud of her for making this big step
on her own. I knew the basics about
transsexuality. I must admit that I was a little
unsure and needed more education when it came to
hormones and surgery. Now my partner has been in
transition for four months. It has been a rocky
road though, telling his Italian parents was
like confessing to the Mafia. My parents chose
the 'no comment' option.
Luckily enough both our parents now create
humour out of their insanity. Jamie's parents
are a classic. After a nice friendly dinner,
Jamie's mother frantically pulls out a
cigarette, has a big puff, stares at Jamie and
says "if you think I'm coping, I'm not!" The
scary part is that she smiles when she says it.
We just stare at her in disbelief - what can you
say to that! The hardest part is that Jamie's
mother thinks that I can stop him from
'changing'. I hope that one day she will
understand that Jamie is still their child, he
will just never wear the big Italian wedding
dress. If you met Jamie you would agree that
that's a good thing!
I believe that I have coped well. If I could
change anything, it would be Jamie's short
temper and mood swings. Those I hate. In those
times I really need to control my frustration.
It is so tempting to throw the closest available
object!
The best part about the transition is that
Jamie is following his heart, despite the
hurdles that he faced with, he has found
strength in his adversity. What more could I ask
for in a partner?
You shouldn't be in a relationship with
someone if they don't enhance your life. Jamie
has taken me on a huge emotional roller coaster.
It's scary in the beginning but with support and
love from families as well as you fabulous guys
on the Board, the good items shine over the bad
ones.
People ask me, if you could rewind time would
you? I say to them, "no way, not for a second!"
I was proud of my boyfriend for confronting his
fears about being different. His transsexuality
was trapped inside of him like a frightened bird
trapped in his ribcage. When he confronted his
sexuality, he sent that little bird free.
Now people say to me: "but you were gay, what
are you now?" I simply say to them: "don't label
me. Label's belong on jars not people. Deal with
your own issues not mine. I'm happy, we're
happy, that's all that matters." Statements like
this make me keen to work with families. It's
not the best feeling in the world to be alone
trapped in a dark tunnel.
That's why I wrote the booklet -
Supporting partners, families and
friends. Families and partners need support,
they need time to heal and adjust to the
'special men' in their families. And that's
exactly what you guys are… special men.
