WHILE waiting for surgery day, or
perhaps while deciding whether one wants to have
surgery at all, many transmen prefer to pack. In
some neighborhoods, packing means carrying a gun
or other concealed weapon, but for transmen, and
plenty of lesbians, too, packing means stuffing
one's pants with some kind of penis substitute,
for looks, sex play, or both.
Most transmen don't want a stiff dildo in
their pants. Unless it's a special occasion,
they generally want something that's going to
look and feel like a realistic basket, and that
means an ordinary sex toy, large and rigid,
isn't going to work.
A few vendors have tried to create and market
custom-made prosthetic devices, and some people
have found these products highly satisfactory.
But too often people have scraped together the
$400 to $800 required for these specialized
products only to be disappointed. Then they
complain to everyone who will listen, including
FTM
International, from whose Resource Guide or
newsletter they found out about the product,
asking that no further advertisements or
information be carried about the vendor in an
effort to prevent others from being similarly
burned.
FTM International prefaces its Resource Guide
listings with the following statement: "As you
use this Guide, please note that a listing
herein does not constitute an endorsement by
FTMI. The decision to use any product or
patronize any service or provider rests with the
consumer." If a personal endorsement of any
product was published in any FTMI publication,
that endorsement was the opinion of the writer,
not of FTMI. FTM International has consistently
advised all transmen and their allies to
remember that each person's experience is their
own, and one man's success with any service or
product may not always be easily replicated by
others. FTM International's policy with respect
to product or service listings is that nothing
goes in unless it is favorably recommended by an
FTM consumer. If the predominant response to any
service or product is negative, it will cease to
be listed. FTMI cannot be held responsible for
any listed service provider's or product's
failure to perform to the expectations of
consumers. FTM International does not have any
control over the products, the services, nor the
expectations involved. This applies equally to
the results that might be obtained from any
surgical procedure or from any sex toy or pants
stuffer.
All that said, I am personally saddened
whenever I hear that FTMs have lost money or
have been dissatisfied with the products they've
purchased. What makes me saddest of all is the
overwhelming sense of deja vu I get as I read
the complaint letters people publish on the
Internet or send to me or FTM International.
It's a scenario that happens repeatedly.
Recently some people have been unhappy with an
Australian provider's services, but about six
years ago it was a man from the San Francisco
area who was attempting to manufacture a product
that would allow the consumer to have a
good-looking basket, urinate while standing, and
use the same device for sex. As usual, some
people were happy and some weren't. I was caught
in the middle, with his customers complaining to
me and him arguing that all he was trying to do
was help people. But as I told him: they sent
their money, and they felt cheated. He needed to
give their money back, he needed to do a better
job with the product, or he needed to stop
trying to give hope to people where there was
none. Instead, this manufacturer's response was
to produce testimonial letters from satisfied
customers. Heated exchanges were published in
the readers' forum in the quarterly FTM
Newsletter, and ultimately I (as editor at the
time) declared we wouldn't publish any more
vindictive attacks or defensive replies, since
it wasn't getting us anywhere. Eventually he
stopped talking to me and went out of business.
But that didn't make it right for those whose
pockets had been emptied, or whose hopes had
been dashed.
Unfortunately, this is the reality of the
free marketplace. One puts out a product, and it
either works and people like it, or it doesn't
and they don't. Unfortunately, again, people
have to try it to find out they don't like it.
It is sad when it happens to us (from either the
providing or consuming side), and doubly sad
when it happens to people who are struggling
economically. What must be done? Share the
stories and be specific about the problems and
your expectations so that people can learn from
the past and from the experience of others.
Blaming the messenger (the source of an
advertisement or an opinion) doesn't help solve
the problem; it only makes people feel like they
shouldn't share any information or opinions. And
if that happens we'll all suffer for the lack of
exchange, and the wheel will have to be
reinvented over and over. When people experience
difficulties, all that the rest of us can do is
be supportive, help facilitate the discussion,
and continue trying to advise people about their
options and about having realistic expectations
from any part of this process.
Meanwhile, there are inexpensive and creative
solutions to the packing dilemma. FtMinfo has
information on a $10 "packy" that many people
find does the trick. Guys have made realistic
baskets out of condoms and hair gel. Two
different men in Texas produce alternative
devices that are reasonably priced. People at
Vixen, one of the dildo manufacturers that
distributes through Good
Vibrations, has been working with
members the San Francisco FTM community off and
on for years trying to come up with products to
meet the various needs of "penisless men."
And the staff at Good Vibrations is very
FTM-sensitive and helpful, so it is possible to
talk with them about options they may carry. But
as with surgery (so far), prosthetics all leave
something to be desired. There are tradeoffs to
be made, because no single device has (yet) been
able to meet all the requirements that we'd like
to make of our natural bodies. But then
nontranssexual men often have similar problems!
We all have to learn to adapt and to accept our
limitations.
