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It's not always easy, but partners,
family members, friends and co-workers can make
the journey of transition immeasurably more
comfortable with their empathy and support.
There's a good chance that you will maintain
and strengthen an important relationship, if
you:
- Recognise how important your love,
acceptance, and support are.
- Listen without judgement, anger, argument
or confrontation.
- Learn more about your loved one's
condition and struggles. Show that you care
enough to make an effort to read, ask
questions and educate yourself.
- Communicate. Don't shut him out. Keep the
lines of communication open between the two
of you, even if at first your communication
is about your fears.
- Respect the person as a human being.
Offer the same respect, courtesy, and
compassion that you would like to have in
return if you were to announce that you have
a medical condition that requires radical
treatment.
- Remember the challenges he faces. Try to
create a welcome place.
- Trust that what your loved one is doing
is right for him, that he has not made this
decision frivolously but rather after years
of struggle and soul searching. Remain warm
and affectionate even if you experience
discomfort with the situation at
present.
- Admire your loved one's courage and
determination, and let him know.
- Understand that his basic character,
temperament and personality remain the same
as before, with all admirable qualities
intact.
- Empathise. Try to put yourself in his
shoes.
- Anticipate the pleasure of a more
positive relationship with your loved one. If
he seemed troubled and unhappy in the past,
with the source of the unhappiness now
finally known and addressed, you can look
forward to a more satisfying
relationship.
Finally, it is often in small but important
kindness that your empathy and love can be
demonstrated. Wordsworth called them "the little
unremembered acts of kindness and love."
For example, you can invite him to your home
and include the person in your activities and
celebrations. Give gender-appropriate gifts and
cards on his birthday and other special
occasions. Compliment his appearance or courage.
Always treat him as male, and use his preferred
name and gender-appropriate pronouns. Most
importantly, listen to his hopes and fears and
maintain a warm, loving, friendly attitude and
manner.
He will appreciate your sensitivity and
support.
adapted from: True Selves Understanding
Transsexualism for Families,
Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals,
2002
[We have been unable to contact the
original author of this text.
Please inform us if you can provide contact
details for the original author.]
From Where A Parent Stands
- unconditional love
- tolerance — acceptance — approval
— support
- compassion — understanding —
empathy
- sharing — communication —
education
- admiration — respect — pride
- adventure — excitement — happiness
— humour
- relief — patience — peace
- trust — privilege —
confidence
- opportunity to grow and learn
- opportunity to know my child better
- closeness — protectiveness
- my child needs me
- being there — lean on me
- how can I help?
- TLC
- loyalty — safety
- talking, listening, holding
Citation
— Elizabeth (2004). Stand by your man (and
stay sane in the process!).
Family
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