Dear concerned
family member,
When my partner Kris
told me he wanted to transition from female to
male, of course I had a few concerns. My first
instinct was that I didn’t want anything to
change. I was so happy with our relationship as
it was. Would his transitioning alter what was
already a beautiful thing? I thought he was
gorgeous and perfect as a girl.
Kris told me that he
wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want him
to, and I knew that if I said “no,
don’t change” then he wouldn’t.
But how could I live with myself knowing that I
had denied the expression of an essential part
of him?
I would have felt
selfish to do so, and I know for sure that he
would have remained in a female form for me, but
it would have had a huge toll on him.
I love my partner with
all of my heart and I want him to be free to
express and define himself as he wishes while
feeling totally loved and supported all the
while, which is exactly what he does for
me.
Furthermore, I TRUST
Kris to make the right decision for himself.
It’s a big decision which most people
haven’t even contemplated because they
don’t HAVE to. A decision like this is
definitely not made on a whim. You don’t
decide to embark on something which is going to
be physically painful (the operations) and
socially a minefield to negotiate (for a time at
least) just for fun, that’s for
sure!
And then there was the
fear of persecution. Would he experience
discrimination during transition? I
couldn’t bear the thought of some ignorant
person mistreating my Kris. I thought that if he
was willing to do all of this, to go through the
operations and take T (testosterone) shots every
fortnight and risk social discomfort
(temporarily) then he was serious about
it.
Since he began
treatment, I (and others) have seen so many
positive changes in Kris. He is so much happier,
much more relaxed, more confident and
self-assured. It is truly a wonderful thing to
see! He says that for the first time he feels
“comfortable” in his own skin - before
that it was like he had gotten into the
“wrong car”. I thought he was just
fine before, but it has just been so magical to
see the difference in him as his masculinity
develops that Ijust know it’s the right
decision for him. He has just blossomed and
we’re only at the beginning of the journey
- I can’t imagine how he will be further
down the track - practically invincible I’d
say!
And yes, as a woman he
WAS beautiful and perfect to my eyes, but NOW it
is easier for HIM to see the wonderful things
that I already saw in himbefore.
It’s like all of
the things I loved about him are magnified and
clearer, and it’s stuff he couldn’t
really see in himself before because his true
self expression (as HE experienced it) was
distorted. So I didn’t think it was
possible, but it is - he is well on his way to
being MORE beautiful andMORE perfect, and I am
really looking forward to watching it happen -
it’s a real privilege that he is sharing it
with me!
A really really big
thing has been that he has had the support of
his family. His mother and step father are
behind him all the way, and it has made the
decision to transition that much smoother that
he doesn’t have the additional pain and
anxiety of worrying about them as well as go
through such a major life change. As his
step-dad said to his mother on being told the
news, “This is a big thing - we just have
to support him, we just HAVE
TO!”
And it has made all the
difference to Kris, to know that the ones he
loves are right behind him and to know that he
doesn’t have to worry about them and their
own issues as well as himself. He is free to
concentrate on transitioning, which is a big
enough thing in itself. I am so grateful to our
families for the support they have given
us.
Whoever you are, I wish
you the best of luck on your own journey, I hope
it takes you to wonderful places, as it has done
us.
